Patience Makwele
Young people have been encouraged to stop viewing singleness as a problem and instead use the period to understand themselves, build their identity and establish what they want before entering relationships.
The call was made by entrepreneur, social worker and public speaker Hilda Basson Namundjebo during the #BreakFree Game Changers gender dialogue hosted by the One Economy Foundation in Windhoek on Wednesday.
Namundjebo said young people should spend time understanding who they are, their purpose, dreams and ambitions instead of allowing relationships to define their worth.
“I really want you to spend your time with yourself to understand who you are. That identity that you must have as to who you are, what your dreams are, what your purpose is, what your ambitions are,” she said.
She said being single should not be treated as a period of waiting for life to begin.
“I was single for a long time. I loved being single. I had no rush to get married,” Namundjebo said.
“It is great. It’s fantastic to be single. It’s a phase, enjoy it to the core.”
According to Namundjebo, understanding one’s own value is also important when deciding what treatment to accept from other people.
“The work is to start with you,” she said, adding that people can remain in unhealthy relationships because they have not attached enough value to themselves.
“You are precious, as you are, as an individual,” she said.
Namundjebo said young people need to establish their identity before entering relationships because knowing who they are helps them understand how they relate to others and what boundaries they should have.
Meanwhile, mental health advocate and entrepreneur Elago Nantana said relationships also require people to understand the different experiences their partners bring into them.
He said potential partners should have difficult conversations early, including about their upbringing, experiences, employment, children and expectations.
“Before getting into a romantic relationship, it is important that I need to understand also the kind of trauma that the person went through,” Nantana said.
He said people often enter relationships having been raised differently, meaning that partners cannot assume they will automatically have the same expectations or responsibilities.
“It’s two different people that are trying to make it work,” he said.
Nantana also spoke about how traditional expectations of masculinity can affect men emotionally.
He said he grew up without seeing his father express affection towards him, recalling that his father never told him he loved him.
“I grew up in my own journey. But in my previous relationships, also, they would not benefit the emotional side of me because I was tough,” he said.
He cautioned against transferring those experiences into relationships and expecting a partner to behave according to how one was raised.
Simalumba Nawa said communication was central to preventing misunderstandings between partners, particularly when they have different expectations about their responsibilities.
“Your partner cannot guess that your move is right. Because when you don’t communicate what you need, that’s where disappointment comes,” Nawa said.
He said men should also communicate when they need personal time rather than assuming their partners will automatically understand.
Nawa further challenged the idea that household responsibilities should be determined by gender.
“If it is your job to take out the trash, you take out the trash,” he said.
He said partners should understand what each person contributes to a relationship and hold each other accountable for those responsibilities.
Munukayumbwa Ellis-Mwiya meanwhile encouraged young women to build financial independence rather than allowing financial support from men to become the foundation of a relationship.
“If I can’t afford something, I shouldn’t be having it,” Ellis-Mwiya said.
She said financial independence gives women the freedom to make decisions based on genuine choices rather than dependence.
Ellis-Mwiya also challenged the idea that gifts and material possessions should determine the value of a relationship.
“Just be with people who like you, like yourself, enough to be with the person, you know, genuinely likes,” she said.
She further argued that respect should not be treated as something one gender automatically owes another.
“Respect is a human right. It’s not a gender thing,” Ellis-Mwiya said.
The panellists also challenged young people to rethink traditional expectations around gender, relationships and responsibility, arguing that healthy relationships require communication, accountability, mutual respect and an understanding of one’s own identity.
The dialogue, held under the theme “Different Sides, One Story,” brought together young people to examine masculinity, emotional well-being, relationships and gender expectations.
