NAMEYA JACOBS
Nothing humbles you quite like a picture captioned, “I said yes!”.
It’s come to the point where I don’t follow anyone from high school on Instagram anymore because, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I do not care.
Not in a, “I’m not happy for you” kind of way, (I’m not, I’m really not), but in a, “thank you for this not-so-friendly friendly reminder that I’m not engaged. Again” way.
Watching the people I went to school with grow out of the boxes I expected them to stay in has made me reflect on how spacious my own box feels. I’ve learned many things in those eight years, but these are my top four:
1)Being a “good person” will get you nowhere.
If you’ve spoken to me for more than five minutes, you’ll know that a) I’m not a good person, and b) I have no desire to be a good person.
First of all, good and bad are subjective. We all know that what could be my yuck could be your yum, but more than that I’ve learned that doing your best is what truly matters. You aren’t going to please every Tom, Dick, and Harry, and that’s okay, because Tom, Dick, and Harry are all men and men are awful*.
2)You don’t have to forgive and forget.
If you’ve ever asked anyone for advice about a fight you’ve had with a friend, partner, or colleague, chances are they’ve told you, “just forgive and forget”. Even our forever First Lady, Michelle Obama, told us, “when they go low, we go high”, but I’m here to tell you to go lower. (I’m not).
(I am). Sometimes it’s not best to forgive or forget but to move on entirely. Heal however you need to, even if that goes against your #loveandlight mantra.
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3) You are responsible for your own orgasm.
You’d already know this if you’re a straight, cisgender woman who has/has had sex with straight, cisgender men, but ultimately, nobody is going to care about your orgasm more than you. Now before you misquote me, I’m not saying that your partner shouldn’t care that you reach climax, I’m saying that it is your responsibility that they know how to. No two people have the exact same body, so no two people are going to orgasm the exact same way. Explore your likes and dislikes and communicate your findings with your partner. Unleash your inner Indiana Jones, if you will.
4)It’s cool to care.
If you’re anything like me, everything bothers you. Whether it’s racism, white feminism, or the fact that we’re just allowed to make people with no training or qualifications (???), I’m always going on about something and you know what? That’s cool.
Whatever privilege you’ve been afforded in this life, whether it be your race, gender, or social status, use your voice to educate and empower because there’s nothing broody and mysterious about not caring.
I may be single, sharing a house I don’t own, and still unable to process the theory of inflation, but at least I’m not a forex trader, so I have that going for me.
*You thought I was going to insert a disclaimer that I meant “some” men, didn’t you? Well I’m not.
